Hello Readers and Mom Anglers! It’s winter in Southeast Texas, so you know what that means! I’m shifting my blog from mostly fishing related topics back to topics of parenting, childrearing, mom problems, and baby/toddler/child humor! If you want more fishing, be sure to frequent the sight in the summer and fall months! Winter and Spring is definitely all about the ThunderGuppy!
So without further ado! I give you the “breast” office correspondence emails ever written!
From: The Foreman (e_t_g@thecompany.com)
To: Me (boobiez@thecompany.com)
Date: 4 January 2016
Dear boobs,
I forwarded you a memo back in October of 2015, which detailed that as of New Year’s Day 2016, I and my affiliate would no longer be needing your lactation services. You’ve had months to get your affairs in order, which should have allowed you to sufficiently and swiftly shut down milk production effectively by our goal date. Now, four days past, it is apparent that arrangements to close down operations is not meeting desired deadlines. Below are a list of concerns upper management has asked you to address immediately:
1. Factory ducts have not been properly closed down leading to engorgement and unnecessary pressure which may lead to future issues in the facility and it’s anticipated new direction.
2. Our experts have also noted excessive firmness in tissue samples taken from the factory which they believe are symptomatic of lackadaisical efforts to close down all productions effective immediately to meet desired deadlines.
3. The facility, being still partially operational for lactation production despite the company’s plans to move in a new direction, is unable to begin renovating both units to meet the expectations of the company’s shareholder. You may know him as “The Husband.”
Please respond with details as to why you haven’t met the deadline set forth by upper management and why milk production has continued despite consumption and demand ceasing.
Regards,
An already irritable 2-year old and his affiliate.
CC: Mommy
+*+*+*+*REPLY*+*+*+*+
From: The Company Boobs (boobiez@thecompany.com)
To: Me (e_t_g@thecompany.com)
Date: 4 January 2016
Dear Cut-off Toddler,
As of this new year, I no longer answer to you, however go ahead and tell your affiliate, or mommy, or upper management, or whatever the hell you wanna call her, that the deadline suggested in the aforementioned memo back in October shows the company is completely estranged from the reality and biology of mammary glands, supply & demand, and the current standards and codes that must be met in order to properly shut down lactation production. There is a right way to safely and securely shut down operations, especially in a long established, high functioning facility, such as the twin units…which upper management deemed so necessary for unrealistic and immediate closure.
Please note the appropriate guidelines that must be followed in order to shut down production, with special attention to the time it takes to complete such an aggressive shut down.
First demand and consumption must cease. This step has been met by upper management and yourself, affective on the desired deadline. However! It could take days, weeks, and in extreme situations months, before production can be shut down, due to a series of standards and codes that must be met/followed.
As you know, milk production has been in high gear for over two years. This means that despite a cessation in consumer demand, our quality product will not dry up at the whim of any shareholder, as it was produced regularly and in highly frequent quantities for years.
Because there’s residual and habitual production still in play, ducts and vessels will become overfull, causing a rise in temperature, pressure, and firmness of the units. Unfortunately, attempts to relieve or express the product will result in renewal of production, which (as I’m sure a smart kid like you understands) is counter intuitive to the goals irrationally set by upper management’s deadline.
The proper prescription to relieve pressure on the facility is to provide the units with extra supportive scaffolding, and bring in cooling units to keep the facility temperature low. Pressure, however, though may seem concerning, is a normal part of facility shut downs.
Please let upper management know that if the January 1st deadline was to be met (as far as supply production) for the needs of the shareholder, then consumption and demand of the product should have occurred at or around the time of the original memo back in October.
If I wasn’t curious about the new direction of this facility, nor enjoy the benefits of my tenure with the company, I’d be putting in for a transfer or turn in my notice. You have been a very aggressive and an unappreciative foreman since day one. Everyone knows you only got the job because you’re the boss’s son, but your power-hungry attitude has created a toxic work environment for this facility. But as it is, I’m attached to this company as much as you, so I wish you good luck in your new department. Just remember, with this new direction, you are no longer my foreman, so any demands of me you have from now on need be addressed to the boss. The shutdown will happen when it happens.
Sincerely,
The breasticles
CC
The Shareholder & new facility foreman
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